Time: 1:07AM
Mood : Irritatingly not sleepy.
Listening to : Chen Qi Zhen ( Hai shi hui ji mo- eventually lonely)
Tuesday was a very odd day for me. I spent the whole day doing my work albeit irritatingly happy, but come evening, I wanted to go out. I had money, I WANTED TO GO OUT! I HAD MONEY!!!!
However, despite my need for rash abandonment of money, I couldn't really find anyone to go out with.
It must have been some conspiracy..not wanting me to throw my money away.
Still, I went alone to.
And walked, at first with the purpose of watching "Get Smart".
Only to have the conspiracy take even that from me. It was a tuesday and there was a ridiculously long queue.
Ridiculously long for a tuesday. Don't these people have OT to do??!!!
So having conspiracy intervene, I continued my walk around, albeit aimlessly but determined to at least have a good expensive meal somewhere. And everyone knows that the good stuff means expensive, not definitely worth the money, good stuff for where I can , with reckless abandonment, spend some cash.
So, I went to this expensive japanese restaurant, where when realizing that I'd be awkwardly dining alone, the reckless abandonment of money idea,sidled away with each degree the temperature of my face rose.
Plus, the conspiracy made sure I carried very little cash.
*Sigh. I can't complain its not nice being looked after and all. But..but..
I spent about 20 bucks for my meal. ON MYSELF.
How odd it felt, spending so much for a meal on myself.
The odd feeling had made me finish my meal quickly, because :
1. I was embarassed as hell eating alone.
2. I bet the staff at the restaurant were taking bets as to why I was eating alone.
Here are some bets I thought they would have thought of.
1. She got dumped by her boyfriend.
2. She got dumped by her girlfriend.
3. She got dumped. Period.
4. She is a depressed , anti social who doesn't have friends.
5. She told the person she liked that she liked him in a very non-platonic way but she also told him that she only wanted to be friends at this current stage of their relationship which she seriously thought she would already die telling him, but she survived to have him reply he already has a girlfriend. Only to find out from her friend later on that he lied to her, that he had very high standards. What was worse was that her friend (in which she didn't really know at that point) got chummy with that guy after that accident. (that is, in her very bias opinion).
If I were the staff there, I wouldn't have gotten anything from any of the above bets.
Because even though point 5 hit very close to home, I was actually eating alone because I wanted to defy the conspiracy.
LoL.
Madness, at certain angles can get quite comical.
However, after the meal, even after beating the conspiracy and forking out 20 bucks for meal, alone, alone. There was no sense of victory.
Insane pursuit of a goal doesn't always give one satisfaction, especially if the goal is stupendously ridiculous.
After finally leaving the restaurant, I walked around aimlessly again. I was beginning to get depressed.
Depressed because I was walking alone in a shopping mall, depressed because almost all of the bets that I imagined the staff would have placed were true. Especially point number 5.
I felt depressed and rejected. Until a dangerous idea to find a book shop popped, popped into my head.
I think the conspiracy must have felt sorry for me, because I found the bookshop.
No doubt library books are much cheaper because they are more or less free. But I needed immediate cure, it would be temporary, but it would make me feel much better for the time being.
I walked around the bookshop 3 times, looking for a book that screamed a plot that I wanted.
Which I have to admit very shallowly that it was something in the tune of Very HandsomeGuy meet very in true local term cannot make it Girl, Very handsome Guy miraculously falls in love with CMI girl. CMI Girl blissfully unaware. ( I like that part) Very handsome Guy tears his hair out (I like this part too). CMI Girl eventually finds out and starts to like Very Handsome Guy as well. The whole thing will have a happy ending of Very Handsome Guy and CMI Girl going on a date.
I wanted that sort of novel. But as I came to my second and half round of shop, I realized that not into the first 10 pages of the book, I'd be so bored I'd really just return it on the day I rented it.
So in the end , I started looking for something else. Something that had more than the element of romance in it.
And I found it. I walked out with "My best friend's girl" by Dorothy Koomson.
Remember Dorothy Koomson from "The chocolate run" ?
It was my all time fav book from my poly's library.
For one it gave me temporary hope that someone will look my way and for another , it was the book my bestest best friend picked out for me.
Now more than 2 years later, the hope's gone, but its still my fav comfort book.
I have to admit, I had my reservations about "my best friend's girl" at first.
It was not something I'd normally read aka somewhere along the lines of "Chocolate Run".
BUT on that day, I wanted something more permanent than a temporary fix for a loneliness/rejection/depression/cannot get over why he doesn't like me.
So I picked it up, went to the cashier, paid and walked out immediately, squishing any thoughts of going back there to rent some book with the above plot.
I started reading the first page and was glued to it until the very end.
I mean of course it took me several days to read it, skimming over parts where it got boring, heart racing over the part where..where parts were supposed to make your heart race.
LOL. I can't tell you the summary here. You have to read it yourself.
I'd have to say though, that that book did turn my thoughts even a little. So much so that i've learnt to at least accept that there is more to love than romantic coupling.
:D
Kaez, I need to sleep now, need to make myself gorgeous for my nephew's christianing tomorrow.
Ch. As if I would ever look gorgeous for that peanut.
Hehehe~
Nightz ppl.
Signed off : 2:20 AM.
Currently listening to : Still Chen Qi Zhen's (Hai Shi Hui Ji Mo-Eventually lonely).
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good. :D ~
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